When I cried out again that I was Catholic, brothers, I heard a Voice, so sweet, but so sweet… So beautiful, that it filled everything with peace and love, and made my soul jump. Those horrible creature that were clinging to me, at hearing it, immediately prostrated themselves in adoration, and asked permission to withdraw themselves, because they could not stand the sweetness of that Voice: then something was opened, like a mouth hanging down, and they fled with fear. Just imagine this! When I see those beings, those horrific demons, there prostrated… At the mere hearing the Voice of the Lord, (notwithstanding the pride of Satan, and thus they hear it as something very unpleasant), they throw themselves on their knees!
Then, I saw the Most Blessed Virgin prostrated, when the priest elevated Our Lord in the Host, during the Mass that was celebrated for the soul of my cousin. The Virgin Mary interceded for me! Prostrated at the feet of Our Lord, she gathered all the prayers that the people of my earth made for me, and she presented them to Him.
You know, at the moment of the elevation, when the priest lifts up the Host, one feels the presence of Jesus, everyone prostates themselves on their knees, even the demons! … And I, who went to the Mass without the least of respect, without giving any attention, with gum to chew in my mouth, sometimes dozing off, looking around, lost in a thousand banal thoughts…! And then I had the guts to complain, full of pride, that God did not listen to me when I asked something from Him!
Believe me, it was staggering to see how, at the passing of Our Lord, all those creatures, all those frightening beings, threw themselves on the ground, in an impressive adoration.
I saw the Virgin Mary, graciously prostrate at the feet of the Lord, praying for me, in adoration before Him. … And I, a sinner, with my rubbish, treating Him without any respect, and saying that I was good… Yes, miserably good! Denying and blaspheming the Lord!
Imagine what a sinner I was, when even the demons prostrated themselves on the ground, at the passing of the Lord Jesus Christ…!
That Voice, so beautiful, says to me: Very well, if you are Catholic, tell me which are the commandments of the Law of God!”
… Think of the fright! ... That question I just did not expect! I only knew that there were 10! And then… nothing more!
“And now, how do I cope with this?”, I was thinking, afflicted. I remembered then that my mother used to say that the first commandment was love, she spoke of it always… Love of God and love of neighbor. In the end, the discourses of my mother were useful for something, I said to myself. So I chose this answer, hoping that it would suffice and that the rest might not be noticed…! I was thinking to get by in this way, as I always did when I was in life: in fact, I always had the answer ready, the perfect answer, I always succeed in justifying myself and in defending myself in such a way, that no one discovered that which I did not know. Now I thought to manage in the same way. And I began to say: “The first commandment is: to love God above everything else, and… the neighbor as myself.”
“Very well: - he said to me – and you did this? Did you love?
Totally confused, I replied: “I… yes! Yes, I yes. Yes!”
But that wonderful Voice said: “No!!!”
I assure you that when he said to me: “No!”, then it was that I felt the strike of the lightning bolt! In fact, I still did not feel on which side it had struck me… But when I heard that “No!”, I felt all the pain of the lightning bolt!... I felt naked, all my masks fell, and I remained uncovered.
That soft Voice continued to say to me: “No!!! You did not love your Lord above all things, and even less did you love your neighbor as yourself! You made of yourself a God that you modeled on yourself, on your life! Only in moments of extreme necessity, or in suffering, you remembered your Lord. And then yes, you knelt down, you cried, you asked, you offered novenas, you proposed to yourself to go to Mass, to prayer groups, asking for some graces or a miracle… When you were poor, when your family was humble, when you still desired to become a professional, then yes, everyday you used to pray on your knees, whole hours, beseeching your Lord! You would pray, asking me to pull you out of that poverty, that I might permit you to become a professional and to be someone! When you found yourself in need and you needed money, then yes, you promised: I pray the Rosary, but You, Lord, grant me a little money!
This was the relationship that you used to have with your Lord! Never, did you keep one promise made, not even one! And beyond not keeping the promises, you never thanked me!”
And the Lord insisted on this: “You gave your word, you made a promise to your Lord, but you never kept them!”
The Lord showed me one of my many prayers: when I asked Him the grace to have my first car, I would pray, and very humbly I would ask that please, he might grant also only a little car, even an old one, it is not important… just so it works. But as soon as I obtained what I desired, I did not even say a “thanks” to the Lord; and eight days later, not only did I not thank Him, but already I denied Him and I spoke bad about Him. He showed me how, in all the graces that He granted me, not only was I lacking in regards to the made promises, but I did not even give thanks.
I saw the Lord in a truly sad way. You know, my relationship with God was like a “BANK CASH DISPENSER”: I put in a Rosary, and He was supposed to give me money… and if he did not give it to me, I rebelled. The Lord showed me all of this. Just as soon as he permitted me to have my profession, - and in consequence, to begin to have a certain prestige and also money - , the name of God was already not comfortable to me… I began to feel I was great, without ever having for Him the least expression of love, or gratitude.
To be grateful? Never! Not even a ‘thank you’ for the new day that he gave me, or for my health, or for having a roof where I lived... Or even a prayer of compassion for those poor little ones who do not have a house, nor something to eat. Nothing!!! Ungrateful to the max! More than anything else, I became more incredulous in regards to my Lord, while I believed in Venus and Mercury for fortune, I went blindly after astrology, saying that the stars direct our life. I began to believe in all the doctrines that the world offered me. I believed, for example, in reincarnation: I convinced myself, simply, one would die and would re-begin from the top… and I forgot it cost a price of Blood to my Lord Jesus.
The Lord continued: “All that you had, it was not given to you because you had asked for it, but it was a blessing that you received from Heaven: you, instead, said to have obtained all by yourself, because you were a worker, a fighter… That everything you had conquered with your hands, and by the force of study. No! Look: how many professionals are there, more qualified than you, who work as much or more than you?”
The Lord gave me an examine of the 10 Commandments, showing me that which I was: that what in words I said to adore and love God, but on the contrary I adored Satan. In my outpatients’ clinic a lady who read the cards would usually come, and she did some magic in order to set free from bad influences, and used to say: “I do not believe in these things… But do it anyway, because one never knows…” And she did her devilment. In a corner where no one saw, she put a horseshoe and an aloe plant, in order to keep away bad fortune, and other such things. Do you know what I did, permitting this? I opened the doors to the demons, so that they could enter at their pleasure, and to circulate freely, merrily, in my outpatients’ clinic and in my life. You see that all this is shameful. God made an analysis of my whole life, in the light of the 10 Commandments, he showed me that which I was in my relationships with the neighbor, and with Him. I criticized everything and everyone… And everyone pointed with their finger, “holy Gloria”…! He showed me when I said to love God and neighbor, but on the contrary I was very envious. Now I saw that, when I deceived someone or lied, it was like committing perjury, because in the moment in which I said: “I am Catholic”, I declared that Jesus Christ was my Lord and at the same time I gave testimony to lies and deception! How much evil I did to so many people! As for the rest I was never grateful to my parents, for all their sacrifice and commitment so that I might have a profession and to triumph in life; for all the sacrifices and the efforts that they did… But I did not see them, I ignored them, and as soon as I had my work, they even diminished in my eyes: to the point to be ashamed of my mother, for her humility and poverty.
Jesus continued, showing me what a spouse I was: I passed the whole day grumbling, from when I awoke. My husband said: “Have a nice day!”. And I: “maybe it will be for you!! Look at the rain!”. I always grumbled and contradicted everything.
… As fare as sanctifying the holy days? What fright! What sorrow I felt! Jesus made me see how I would dedicate four and even five hours to my body with gymnastics, and not even ten minutes a day for my Lord, not even a thank you, or a nice prayer… no, nothing! On the contrary, sometimes I even recited the Rosary beginning it real fast, during the interval of the soap opera. I thought to succeed in praying it during the commercials. I began rapidly, without giving attention to what I said, more worried if the soap opera might had already begun or not, and to what point I had arrived. In short, without elevating the heart to God.
Jesus continued to show me how I was in no way grateful in regard to Him, and the laziness that I had in going to Mass. When I still lived with my parents, and my mother obliged me to go, I said to her: “But, Mom, if God is everywhere, what need do I have to go to church for the Mass?” Clearly, for me it was very convenient to talk like this… And Jesus showed this to me. I had the Lord twenty-four hours a day for me, all my life God took care of me, and I so lazy to dedicate to Him a little time on Sunday, to show Him my gratitude, my love for Him… But the worst thing was to know that, to frequent the church, meant to nourish my soul. I, instead, dedicated myself totally to the care of my body, I became a slave to my flesh, and I forgot this particular: that I had a soul! And never did I take care of it.
Regarding the Word of God, I even said, impudently, that the one who read the Bible a lot, became crazy. I arrive to the point to be a blasphemer, and the incoherence of my life brought me to say: “But what Most Holy? And God would be present there? In the ciborium and in the chalice? … The priest should add brandy, to give it good flavor!”
To what point did I arrive in degrading my relationship with God! I left my soul without nourishment, and as if that were not enough, the only thing I did was to criticize the priests. If you knew, brothers, how bad I felt about this, before Jesus! The Lord showed me how my soul was reduced due to all these criticisms. Beyond everything else, consider the fact that I declared a priest to be homosexual, and the whole Community came to know this… You cannot imagine the evil that I did to that priest! No, you cannot imagine it! I cannot tell you about it, because it would be too long. I tell you only that, one word only, has the power to kill and destroy souls. Now I saw all the evil that I had done! My shame was so great, that there are no words to describe it! Can I only beg you to not do the same: do not criticize! Pray! I saw that the gravest faults which stained my soul, and that drew more curses in my life, was to speak evil about the priests!