The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

January 3, 1900

Peace, in any circumstance.

I continued to see myself all full of miseries; not only so, but also restless.  It seems to me that all of my interior had become alarmed about the loss of Jesus.  I kept thinking to myself that my great sins had made me deserve that my adorable Jesus had left me, and therefore I was not going to see Him any more.  Oh, what a cruel death this thought is for me!  Or rather, more ruthless than any death!  ‘No longer to see Jesus…!  No longer to hear the gentleness of His voice…!  To lose the One on whom my life depends, and from whom every good comes to me…!  How can I live without Him?  Ah, everything is over for me if I lose Jesus!…’  With these thoughts I felt an agony of death; all of my interior was upset for it wanted Jesus; and He, in a flash of light, manifested Himself to my soul, telling me:  “Peace, peace, do not want to disturb yourself.  Just as a most fragrant flower perfumes the place in which it is put, so does my peace fill with God the soul who possesses it.”  And He escaped like a flash.

Ah, Lord, how good You are with this sinner!  And I also tell You in confidence:  “How impertinent You are, for I must lose You no less, and You do not even want me to become disturbed or restless; and if I do it, You make me understand that I myself move away from You, because with peace I fill myself with God, while by becoming disturbed I fill myself with diabolical temptations.’  Oh, my sweet Jesus!  How much patience it takes with You! – because whatever happens to me, I cannot even become upset or disturbed, but You want me to remain in perfect calm and peace.