The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

June 12, 1900

Obedience makes her ask Jesus to let her suffer in order to prevent chastisements.

This morning, as my lovable Jesus came, I began to say:  ‘Lord, what are You doing?  It seems You are going too far with Justice.’  And while I wanted to continue speaking in order to excuse the human miseries, Jesus imposed silence on me, saying:  “Be quiet, if you want Me to remain with you; come to kiss Me and greet Me in all my suffering members with your usual adorations.”  So I began from His head, and then, little by little, the other members.  Oh, how many deep wounds that Sacrosanct Body contained! – It struck horror at the mere sight.  Then, as soon as I finished, He disappeared, leaving me with very little suffering and with a fear:  who knows how He will pour upon the people, since He did not deign to pour His bitternesses upon me!

After a little while, the confessor came and I told him what I have said above, and he said to me:  “Today, out of absolute obedience, when you do your meditation you must pray Him to let you suffer the crucifixion and to cease to send scourges.”  So, when I did my meditation, I prayed Him according to the obedience received.  He just barely made Himself seen, but without paying attention to me; on the contrary, He made Himself seen, now giving His back to the people, now sleeping so as not to be importuned by me, and even if I felt I was dying, He did not care about letting me do the obedience.  So I plucked up courage, and placing all my trust in holy obedience, I took Him by one arm, and shaking Him in order to wake Him up, I said to Him:  ‘Lord, what are You doing?  Is this the love You have for your so favorite virtue of obedience?  Are these the praises You have given it so many times?  Are these the honors You have lavished on it, to the point of saying that You feel moved and cannot resist the virtue of obedience and You feel subjugated by the soul who gives herself to this virtue, that now it seems You do not care about letting me obey?’  While I was saying this and other things – I would be too long if I wanted to write them – blessed Jesus stirred Himself, and as though struck by a most acute pain, He burst into tears and, sobbing, said:  “I too do not want to send scourges, but it is Justice that compels Me almost by force.  But you, with this speaking, want to cut Me to the quick and touch a key too delicate for Me and greatly loved by Me, so much so, that I wanted no other honor or title but that of obedient.  So now, to show you that it is not that I do not care about letting you obey, in spite of the fact that my Justice forces Me not to do it, I will share with you, in part, the pains of the cross.”  While doing this, He disappeared, leaving me content for He let me obey, and with a sorrow in my soul, as though I had been the cause of the Lord’s crying with my suffering.  Ah, Lord, I beg You to forgive me.