The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

June 20, 1900

The most perfect humility produces the most intimate union with God in the soul.

This morning, as I was outside of myself and not finding my highest Good, I had to go round and round in search of Him, and when I tired myself to the point of feeling faint, I felt Him behind my shoulders, sustaining me.  So I stretched out my hand and I pulled Him to the front, saying to Him:  ‘My beloved, You know that I cannot be without You, and yet, You make me wait so much, to the point of causing me to faint.  Tell me at least:  what is the cause of this?  Where have I offended You that You subject me to torments so cruel, to martyrdoms so painful, which is your privation?’  And Jesus, interrupting my speaking, told me:  “My daughter, my daughter, do not add more torment to my Heart which is embittered to the summit, finding Itself in a continuous fight because of the violences that everyone does to me continuously.  The iniquities of men do violence to Me, as they draw Justice upon themselves and force Me to chastise them; and Justice, clashing in a continuous fight with the Love I have for men, tortures my Heart in such a painful way as to make Me die continuously!  You do violence to Me, because when I come, knowing the chastisements that I am sending, you do not remain quiet – no, but you force Me, you do violence to Me, and do not want Me to chastise; and knowing that you cannot do otherwise in my presence, so as not to expose my Heart to a yet fiercer fight, I abstain from coming.  Therefore, do not want to force Me to come for now; let Me give vent to my fury, and do not want to increase my pains with your speaking. 

As for the rest, I do not want you to think about it, because the most perfect, the most sublime humility is that of losing every reason and of not discoursing on ‘why’ and ‘how’, but of undoing oneself in one’s own nothingness.  And while the soul does this, without realizing it, she finds herself dissolved in God, and this produces in the soul the union most intimate, the love most perfect toward her highest Good.  This, however, to the greatest advantage of the soul, because in losing her own reason, she acquires divine reason, and in losing every discoursing about herself – whether she is cold or warm, whether the things that happen to her are favorable or adverse – she will be interested in and will acquire a language fully celestial and divine.  In addition to this, humility produces a garment of safety in the soul, in such a way that, wrapped in this garment of safety, the soul remains in the most profound calm, embellishing all of herself in order to be pleasing to her dearest and beloved Jesus.”

Who can say how surprised I was left by this speaking of His?  I had not a word to answer Him.  Then, after a little while, He disappeared and I found myself inside myself – calm, yes, but afflicted to the summit; first, because of the afflictions and the fights which my dear Jesus was in, and then, out of fear that He might not come.  Who would be able to endure?  How will I be able to bear myself because of His absence?  Ah, Lord, give me the strength to bear this martyrdom so hard, so unbearable for my poor soul!  After all, say whatever You want, but I will not neglect any means, I will try all ways, I will use all stratagems to draw You to come.