Illumination Stories

A "Saint Paul" Moment

By: Isaac   K.

    Other or Unsure Experience

15 years young

I was born Catholic and went to Mass weekly. But when COVID came and Masses were suspended, I suddenly did not have the graces of Holy Communion to keep my soul strong.

Due to my own ego, I started endorsing communist beliefs and even began to enforce Stalinist ideologies within my friendship circles in order to gain control of people and sometimes get them to worship me. I started publicly worshipping photos of communist dictators that I saved on my phone and sometimes even myself- in front of my class. At times I even pointed the middle finger at a crucifix and spat on it! I denied God's existence in front of my friends and threatened to categorize Bibles under “fairy tales”. During that time, I also made lots of blasphemous remarks publicly and vented my anger on anyone who even said the word "God".

This continued until sometime last year when I went back to church. My family was in the thrift shop when my eyes landed on a book titled 'The Fatima Prophecies' by Thomas W. Petrisko.  I opened it to a page that discussed the visions of “Josyp Terelya” from Ukraine. One of his visions talked of how he saw the 'real leader of the USSR behind a yellow screen... It was Lucifer himself in the figure of Yeltsin...' Instantly, I felt the weight of my sins. All the blasphemies I spat, all the insults to God, all the idolatry. I began to cry, saying repeatedly "What have I done?" to my mother.  [A Saint Paul moment?]

After this, I went to confession and made a firm resolution to never return to communist beliefs and to rebuild my spiritual life. I try my best to attend Mass as much as I can, going to confession and receiving Holy Communion.

May God bless all of you!