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Continuing in my usual state, I was thinking to myself that if the Lord wanted something from me, He should give me a sign - that is, to free me from the coming of the Priest. And blessed Jesus made Himself seen in my interior with a ball in His hand, as if He was in the act of throwing it to the ground. Then He told me: "My daughter, this is your predominant passion - that I free you from the bother in which my Will placed you. I keep you in this state for the whole world, and I use you so as not to send it to complete demolition; while, this other thing with which you could do good, is a small part."
And I: ‘My Jesus, I cannot understand this. You keep me without suffering; it seems that You hold me suspended from the state of victim, and then You tell me that You are using me in order not to send the world to demolition?" And Jesus: "Yet, it is false that you do not suffer. At the most, you do not suffer such pains as to be able to disarm Me completely; and if sometimes you remain suspended, your part - your will - is not in it. On the other hand, your will would enter in here. Ah! you cannot understand the sweet violence that you do to Me with your waiting, your feeling suspended, not seeing Me as you used to, and still remaining at the same place, without moving in anything. And then, I want to have freedom over you - whenever I please, I will keep you suspended; when I don’t, I will keep you bound. I want you at the mercy of my Will, without your will. If you are happy with this, you can do It – otherwise not."
Another day I was feeling sick, because of the continuous throwing up that I do; and I was saying to my sweet Jesus: ‘What would You have lost in giving me the grace of not feeling the necessity to take food – such that then I am forced to bring it up?’ I say this to obey. And my lovable Jesus told me: "My daughter, what are you saying? Quiet, quiet, don’t say this any more. You must know that if you did not need anything, I would let the peoples die of starvation. But because you need it, since it can serve your necessities, I give the necessary things to creatures for love of you and because of you. Therefore, if I listened to you, you would harm the others. On the other hand, by taking food and then bringing it up, you do good to others, and your suffering glorifies Me. Even more, how many times do I see you suffering while you throw up, and since you suffer in my Will, I take that suffering of yours, I multiply it, I divide it for the good of creatures and, pleased, I say to Myself: ‘This is the bread of my daughter, which I give for the good of my children’."
