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I spend my days in bitterness and among the privations of my sweet Jesus, with the addition of a profound sleep, such that I myself do not know where I am or what I do. I feel the shadow of my Jesus around me, which almost puts me into an iron shirt which renders me motionless, it takes life away from me and dazes me, and I no longer understand anything… What a painful change in my interior – I, who did not know what sleep was, and even if a light sleep surprised me, even while sleeping, did not lose the activity of my interior. I was aware of the fibers of my heart and of my thoughts in order to give them back to Jesus who so much loved me, to accompany Him in all the hours and pains of His Passion; or I wandered within the immensity of His Will to give Him back everything and the acts which He wanted from all creatures. And now, everything is over… My Jesus, what bitter pains! What a sorrowful sea You want my poor soul to navigate! O please, give me strength, do not leave me, do not abandon me! Remember that You Yourself said that I am little, or rather, the littlest of all, just newborn; and if You leave me, if You do not help me, if You no longer give me strength, the newborn will certainly die…’
Now, while I was in this state, I thought to myself: ‘Who knows whether it is devil to form this shadow and to put me in this state of immobility?’
But as I was thinking of this, I felt crushed more than ever under an enormous weight. And my adorable Jesus, moving in my interior, showed Himself placing the edge of a wheel upon me, which He was carrying, and, afflicted, said to me: "My daughter, patience; this is the weight of the world which crushes us. Yet, one single edge leaning on you serves Me in order not to put an end to the whole world. Ah, if you knew how many deceits, how many frauds, how many evils they commit, and how many hidden machinations of ruin the creatures are plotting, to be ruined more among themselves, which increase even more the weight upon my shoulders, to the point of making Divine Justice overflow…! This is why there will be great evils through the whole earth. And then, why do you fear that it might be the enemy to put you in this state? When the enemy makes one suffer, he throws desperation, impatience, disturbances; on the other hand, when it is Me, I infuse love, patience and peace, light and truth. Do you perhaps feel impatient, desperate, that you fear that it might be the enemy?"
And I: ‘No, my Jesus; on the contrary, I feel as though plunged into an immense and deep sea – your Will – and my only fear is that I might get out of the abyss of this sea. But while I fear, I feel its waves rising higher upon me, such as to make me sink even more.’
And Jesus: "And this is why the enemy cannot approach you – because the waves of the sea of my Will, while plunging you into the abyss of It, keep on guard and keep far away even the shadow of the enemy. In fact, he knows nothing of all that the soul does and suffers in my Will, nor does he have the means, the ways and the doors to be able to enter into It; on the contrary, It is the thing which he abhors the most. And if sometimes my wisdom manifests something of what the soul does in my Will, the enemy feels such rage as to feel his infernal pains being multiplied, because my Will, loved and fulfilled in the soul, forms Paradise; while, not loved and not fulfilled, it forms hell. Therefore, if you want to be safe from any diabolical snare, take to heart my Will and your living continuously in It."
