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I was thinking of when my sweet Jesus went back to Heaven in His glorious Ascension, and therefore of the sorrow of the Apostles in remaining deprived of such a great good; and my sweet Jesus, moving in my interior, told me: "My daughter, the greatest sorrow for all of the Apostles, in their entire lives, was to remain deprived of their Master. As they saw Me ascend to Heaven, their hearts were consumed with the pain of my privation; and much more sharp and penetrating was this pain, since it was not a human pain – something material that they were losing – but a divine pain: it was a God that they were losing. And even though I had my Humanity, as It resurrected, It was spiritualized and glorified, therefore all the pain was in their souls; and penetrating them completely, it made them feel consumed with grief, such as to form in them the most harrowing and painful martyrdom. But all this was necessary for them.
One can say that until that moment, they were nothing but tender babies in virtues and in the knowledge of divine things, and of my own Person. I could say that I was in their midst and they did not really know Me, or love Me. But when they saw Me ascend into Heaven, the pain of losing Me tore the veil, and they recognized Me with so much certainty as the true Son of God, that the intense sorrow of no longer seeing Me in their midst delivered firmness in good and strength to suffer anything for love of the One whom they had lost. It delivered the light of divine science; it removed the swaddling clothes of their childhood, and formed them as intrepid men - no longer fearful, but courageous… The pain transformed them and formed in them the true character of Apostles. What I could not obtain with my presence, I obtained with the pain of my privation.
Now, my daughter, a little lesson for you.
Your life can be called a continuous pain of losing Me and a continuous joy of acquiring Me. But between the pain of the loss and the joy of acquiring Me, how many surprises have I not made you? How many things have I not told you? It was pain and the painful martyrdom of losing Me to prepare you and dispose you to hear the sublime lessons on my Will. In fact, how many times it seemed to you that you had lost Me, and while you were immersed in your harrowing pain, I would come back to you with one of the most beautiful lessons on my Will, and I would make the new joy of gaining Me come back, to dispose you once again to the piercing pain of my absence? I can say that the pain of remaining deprived of Me has delivered within you the effects, the value, the knowledges, the foundation of my Will.
It was necessary that I behave with you in this way – that is, coming to you very often, and leaving you prey to the pain of being deprived of Me. Since I had established that I would manifest to you, in a way all special, many things about my Will, I had to leave you prey to a continuous divine pain, because my Will is Divine, and only upon a divine pain could It establish Its Throne and lay Its dominion; and assuming the attitude of a Master, I communicated the knowledge of my Will, as much as it is possible to a creature. Many will be amazed in hearing of the continuous visits I made to you – which I have not done with others – and of your continuous pain of my privation. If you had not seen Me so many times, you would not have known Me or loved Me so much, because each one of my visits brings an additional knowledge of Me and a new love; and the more the soul knows Me and loves Me, the more her pain is redoubled. And in coming, I kept provoking your pain more intensely, because I want my Will not to lack the noble courting of pain, which makes the soul firm and strong, such that my Will is able to form my stable dwelling in her, and to give her new and continuous lessons on my Will. Therefore, I repeat it to you – let Me do and trust Me."
