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I live always embittered and with my heart petrified by the pain of the privation of my sweet Jesus. I feel without Life, because the One who is true Life is not with me. Oh, how often I repeated: ‘Tell me, O my only and highest Good, where did You direct your steps, so that, in following them, I may find You?’ Ah, from afar I kiss those hands which, with so much love, embraced me and pressed me to your Heart. I adore and kiss that Face which showed itself to me with so much grace and beauty, and which now hides and is far away from me… Tell me, where are You? Which way should I take in order to reach You? Tell me, what should I do? Where did I offend You, that You run away from me? Yet, You told me that You would never leave me; and now You leave me? Ah, Jesus, Jesus, come back to the one who cannot live without You, to your little daughter, to your little exiled…!’
But who can tell all my laments and the nonsense I said? Then, in the meantime, I felt like losing my senses, and I could see a dove, all on fire, which was agonizing, and a person near it, who, from his burning breath, was feeding the dove with his flames in order to nourish it, preventing it from taking any other food, holding it tightly and so close to his mouth, that it could do nothing but breathe and swallow the flames which came from him. The poor dove agonized and turned into those flames with which it was nourished. I was surprised in seeing this, and my Jesus, moving in my interior, told me: "My daughter, why do you fear that I may leave you? In order to leave you, I should leave Myself, which I cannot do. As much power as I have, I do not have the power to separate from Myself. The same is for one who does my Will. Since she becomes inseparable from Me, I lack the power to separate from her; not only this, but I keep nourishing her with my own flames. Have you not seen that dove, all on fire? It was the image of your soul, and the one who was feeding it with his breath was I, who so much delight in nourishing one who lives in my Will, only with the flames unleashed by my Heart, and through breath.
Don’t you know that one who lives in my Will must be filtered through the most pure Light of It? And to be filtered is more than to be put under a press, because even though the press crushes all to pieces, it lets everything out, both seeds and skin, which settle at the bottom and leave always something cloudy. On the other hand, when something is filtered, and especially if it is filtered through the thick Light of my Will, there is no danger that it might deposit something cloudy; rather, everything is clear, similar to the clearness of the Light through which it has been filtered. And this is a great honor for the soul who lives in my Will – that whether she thinks, speaks, loves, etc., my Will takes the commitment to filter whatever she does through Its most pure Light. And this is necessary, so that in everything she does, there may be no distinction from what We do, but all things may hold hands and share their likeness."
Now, as He was saying this, I found myself outside of myself, within a garden; and, tired, I sat down under a tree to rest. But the rays of the sun darted through me in such a way that I felt I was burning. I wanted to go under a thicker tree, which would produce more shade, so as not to be hurt by the sun; but a voice (it seems to me that it was my beloved Jesus) prevented me from doing so, saying: "One who lives in my Will must be fully exposed to the rays of the burning and Eternal Sun, in order to live of Light, to see nothing but Light, and to touch nothing but Light. This leads to the deification of the soul. Only then can one say that the soul lives in my Will, when she remains all deified in God.
Even more, come out from under the tree and stroll in this Celestial Eden of my Will, so that, gazing at you thoroughly, the Sun may convert you into Light, and may give you the final touch of your deification in God."
I began to stroll; but as I was doing this, obedience called me back into myself.
