The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

January 30, 1926

Death of the confessor Fr. Francesco De Benedictis. Fear that she might do her own will.

I was at the summit of my affliction because of the almost sudden death of my confessor.  To my many interior pains due to the frequent privations of my sweet Jesus, He wanted to add such a painful blow for my poor heart, depriving me of he who was the only one who knew my poor soul.  But may the Fiat Voluntas Tua be always done, loved and adored.  The earth was not worthy to possess such a person, therefore the Lord, to chastise us, brought him to Heaven with Himself.  So, in my intense bitterness for having been left without confessor, not knowing, myself, to whom to turn, I prayed to my lovable Jesus for that blessed soul, saying:  ‘My Love, if You took him away from me, at least bring him straight to Heaven with You.’  And, crying, I said to Him:  ‘I place him in your Will.  Your Will contains everything – love, light, beauty, all the good which has been done and will be done; may these purify him, embellish him, enrich him with all that is needed in order to be in your presence, so You will find nothing in him which might prevent his entrance into Heaven.’

Now, while I was doing and saying this, a globe of light came before me, and within that light there was the soul of my confessor, taking its way toward the vault of the Heavens, without saying to me even one word.  I remained consoled, yes, for his destiny, but embittered to the summit for my own.  And I prayed Jesus that, since He had taken the confessor away from me and I myself had no one to whom to turn, by His goodness He would free me from the bother I gave to the confessor – however, not because it was wanted by me, but as something wanted by Jesus; because I feel that if Jesus conceded this to me as something wanted by me, I would feel as if I were lacking the earth under my feet, the heavens above my head, the heartbeat in my heart; so, for me it would be disgrace rather than grace.  And all abandoned in sorrow, I offered everything to Jesus, that He would give me the grace to do His Most Holy Will in everything.  And Jesus, compassionating my sorrow, clasped me all to Himself, and told me:  “My daughter, courage, do not fear, I do not leave you, I will always be with you; and I promise you that if no priest wants to make himself available for your assistance, not wanting to follow my Will, I will free you from this bother for them – not because you want it, but because I Myself want it.  Therefore, do not fear, for I will not let your will enter into this.  I will do everything Myself; I will be jealous even of your breath, that your will may not enter into it, but only Mine.”

Then, when the night came, I felt such fear that blessed Jesus might take me by surprise and make me fall into the state of my usual sufferings, that I trembled and cried; more so, since I felt as if I wanted Him to free me.  And blessed Jesus came out from within my interior, and placing His face close to mine, He cried - so much that I felt my face too wetted by His tears.  And, sobbing, He said to me:  “My daughter, have patience; remember that the destiny of the world weighs upon you.  Ah! you do not know what it means to be in this state of pain together with Me, even for half an hour or five minutes.  It is my real Life that is repeated upon earth; it is this Divine Life that suffers, that prays, that repairs in you, and transmutes my very Will into you, so that It may operate in you as It operated in my Humanity.  And do you think this is trivial?”  And, keeping silent, He continued to cry.  I felt my heart break in seeing Jesus cry, and I comprehended that He was crying for me, to give me the grace that His Will have Its full rights over me, that It maintain Its Life whole within my soul, and that my will would never have life.  So, the reason for His tears was to place His Will in safety within my poor soul.  And He cried for priests, in order to give them the grace to comprehend His works, that they too would be willing to do His Will.