My poor state is becoming more painful because of the privations of my sweet Jesus. What a hard martyrdom and death—without the dear and sweet hope of finding life again. The pain of having lost Him dazes me, petrifies me, and spreads a noxious dew over my poor soul, that, exposed to the rays of a burning sun, instead of vivifying me, withers me; and taking the vital humors away from me, if it does not make me die, it withers me and takes the best of life away from me, just like frosts to the plants. Oh! how much sweeter would death be for me—or rather, it would be for me the most beautiful feast, because I would find Him whom I love, who would heal all my wounds. Oh! privation of my Highest Good, Jesus, how painful and ruthless you are.
And so, in the adorable Will, I call everyone to cry over my hard destiny. I call the heavens with their immensity, to cry for Him whom I so much long for; I call the stars with their twinkling flickering to cry with me, so that with their crying, they may direct the steps of Jesus toward me, so as to no longer make me suffer. I call the sun, that it may turn its light into tears, and its heat into flaming darts, to assail Jesus and say to Him: “Hurry—don’t You see that she can endure no more, and how all of us are shedding bitter tears for she who loves You; and because her will is one with ours, we are all forced to cry together with her?”
I call all Creation to grieve and cry together with me for a pain so great, incalculable and immeasurable, as is Your privation. Who would not cry? Oh! how I would want to turn the murmuring of the sea into pitying voices, to call You; and the darting of the fish, to deafen You. I would want to turn the singing of the birds into sobs, to move You to compassion. Jesus! Jesus! how much You make me suffer. Oh! how much does Your Love cost me.
But while I was pouring out my sorrow, my sweet Life moved in my interior, and told me: “My daughter, I am here, do not fear. If You knew how much I suffer in seeing you suffer because of Me…. I feel more pain for your suffering, than for that of all other creatures together; because your pains are the pains of Our daughter—a member of Our Celestial Family, and I feel them more intensely than if they were My own. When Our Will is in the creature, everything is in common with Us, and inseparable from Us.”
On hearing this, in pain as I was, I said that that was true with words, but, as for facts, it seems to me that it is not so. “How can this be? You make me agonize so much to make You come back, and the more You go on, the longer You take to come, to the point that I myself don’t know what else to do, or to whom else to turn. You put me in the impotence of finding You; not even in Your very Will can I manage to trace You, because It is immense, and You hide within Its immensity, while I lose track of Your steps—and I lose You. So, those are nice words, but what about facts—where are they? If You suffered so much because of my pains, You would have done the facts—hastening to come to she who knows no other love, nor any other life but Yours.”
And Jesus, clasping me to Himself, all moved, told me: “Poor daughter, courage—you do not know everything about what it means to live in My Will. It possesses perfect balance, and all of Its attributes are in highest concord, nor is any of them inferior to any other. And when it is necessary to punish the peoples for their many sins, My Justice demands these voids—that you be without Me—so as to be able to balance itself by sending the scourges they deserve. Therefore, it puts you as though aside in My Will, and it follows its course.
“How many times did My moaning Humanity find Itself with these hitches of My Justice, and I had to surrender for love of the balance of My Will. Would you want, as I keep you in It, to unbalance the order of My Attributes? No, no, My daughter. Let My Justice follow its course, and your Jesus will be as before, always with you. Don’t you know that, in My Will, you must go through what My Humanity went through, as My Will was so very demanding and inexorable with Me for the sake of Redemption? The same for you. It becomes demanding and inexorable for the sake of the Kingdom of the Supreme Fiat. So, this is why My Humanity hides—because My Justice wants to follow its course and maintain its balance.”
Blessed Jesus remained silent; and then He added: “My daughter, in issuing the Creation, My Will linked all beings with bonds of union. So, they were all in connection among themselves—each one possessed its electric wire of communication between the other. Man possessed as many electric wires for as many created things as existed, because, being the king of everything, it was right and necessary for him to have the communication with all Creation, in order to possess the dominion of It.
“Now, as he withdrew from the Divine Will, he broke the first wire of communication, and remained like a city in which the primary wire that communicates electric light is broken: it remains in the dark, and even though there are electric wires, they no longer have the virtue of giving light to the whole city, because the source from which the light comes, being broken, cannot give it, nor can the electric wires receive it. So, he remained like a city in the dark; his connections, the electric wires of communication, were no longer functioning. The source of light had withdrawn from him, because he himself had broken the communication with it; and he remained like a king who is deposed, dethroned and without dominion. In his city all lights were out; he was enveloped in the darkness of his own will.
“When My Will is possessed by the soul, she is symbolized by a city full of light, that has ways of communication with all the places of the world. Even more, her communications extend in the sea, in the sun, in the stars, in the heavens. Provisions of all kinds reach this city from all places; so, she is the richest, provided with everything; and by means of these communications she is the best known, in Heaven and on earth; all pour into her, and she is the most loved. All the opposite for one who does not possess My Will: she lives of hardships, she suffers starvation; only crumbs are conceded to her out of pity, and she is often plundered by enemies. She suffers obscurity, and lives in the most squalid misery.”
Then, after this, feeling oppressed because of the privation of my sweet Jesus, with the addition of other pains of mine, I was offering everything in the adorable Will, and to obtain the triumph of Its Kingdom. Now, while I was doing this, I looked at the sky, that was strewn with white and luminous clouds, and my sweet Jesus, moving in my interior, told me: “My daughter, look at these clouds—how beautiful they are; how they clothe the sky and form a beautiful ornament for the azure vault. But who was it that dispelled the darkness, and put to flight obscurity and black shadows from within those clouds, transforming them into white and radiant clouds? The sun. By investing them with its light, it made them lose their darkness and transformed them into clouds of light. So, they are clouds—but no longer clouds that cast darkness and obscure the earth; but rather, clouds that give light. And while before the sun invested them, they seemed to disfigure the sky with their obscurity, taking the beauty of its azure away from it, now they pay honor to it, and form a beautiful ornament.
“Now, My daughter, pains, mortifications, My privations, painful circumstances, are like clouds for the soul, that give darkness. But if the soul lets everything flow in My Will, more than sun, My Will invests them and converts them into clouds of most radiant light, in such a way as to form the most beautiful ornament for the heaven of the soul. In My Will all things lose their dark side that oppresses and seems to disfigure the poor creature, and everything serves to give her light and to adorn her with radiant beauty. And I keep repeating to all Heaven: ‘Look at her—how beautiful is the daughter of My Will, adorned with these white and radiant clouds. She nourishes herself with light, and My Will, investing her with Its light, converts her into most splendid light.’”
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