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I am going through most bitter days; my poor existence goes on under the nightmare of a tragedy. My Jesus, help me! Do not abandon me! You who have always been so good with me, and have sustained me with so much love in the struggles of my life, O please! do not leave me now that the struggles are more terrible and fierce. O please! my Love, show Your Power. See, oh! Jesus, they are not demons that fight against me, for with a sign of the cross I would make them flee who knows where; but they are the superiors, whom You alone can put in their place. I am the poor condemned one, and I myself do not know what I have done. Oh! how sorrowful is my story. They told me that they want to put me under another priest authorized by the Bishop, who will call doctors and will do all those tests that he wants, leaving me abandoned by everyone else, at the mercy of this man. At such announcement I burst into tears, unable to stop crying—my eyes had become fountains; I spent the whole night crying, and I prayed Jesus to give me strength and to put an end to so much tempest. “See,” I said, “my Love, it has been two months and more of continuous struggles—struggles with creatures, struggles with You, that You would not let me fall into sufferings; and, oh! how much it costs me to struggle with my Jesus—but not because I do not want to suffer, but because those who are over me want it so. But now I can bear no more, and only then will I stop crying, when You tell me that You concede to me to free me from the bother I give to the priest—the war is all because of this.” And I cried and cried, with such bitterness that I felt my blood being poisoned in my veins; so much so, that I often felt as though without life, without breath; but since I felt so, I continued to cry and sob.
Then, while I was in a sea of tears, my sweet Jesus clasped me to Himself, in His arms, and with a tender voice, as if He too wanted to cry, told me: “My good daughter, do not cry any more, My Heart can bear no more; your tears have descended deep into the depth of It, and I feel your bitterness so vividly that I feel It burst. My daughter, courage, you know that I have loved you very, very much, and now this love does violence to Me to make you content. If until now I have kept you suspended from the state of sufferings for a few days in order to make them comprehend that My Will was to continue to keep you as I have kept you for as many as forty-six years, however, now that they want to get you with your back to the wall, they put Me in the condition of making use of My permissive Will[1], not wanted, of suspending you from the state of victim. Therefore, do not fear, from now on I will no longer communicate to you My pains, I will no longer lay Myself within you in a way that you would remain stiffened and without motion; so, you will remain free without having need of anyone. Be tranquil, daughter—until they calm down and for as long as they do not want you to fall into sufferings, I will not do it again. Now, you must know that the state of sufferings in which I used to put you regarded My Humanity, that wanted to continue Its life of pains in you. Now the most important thing is left to you—My Will. Do you give Me your word that you will live always in It? That you will be the sacrificed one, the victim of My Will? That, letting It dominate within you, you will not surrender a single act of life to your will? Assure Me, good daughter, that you will neglect nothing of what I have taught you to do, and will continue what you have done until now in My Fiat. This is the culminating point of your Jesus over you—placing the rights of My Will in safety in your soul. Therefore, hurry, tell Me that you will make Me content.”
And I: “My Jesus, I promise, I swear, I want it—to follow what You have taught me; but You must not leave me, because with You I can do anything, but without You I am good at nothing.”
And Jesus continued, saying: “Do not fear, I do not leave you. Know that I love you, and if I have induced Myself to concede that you would not fall into the state of sufferings, it was nothing other than a great, intense, excessive love toward you. In seeing you crying so much, My Love conquered My Will, and put a stop for now; but know that the scourges will rain down like pouring rain. They deserve it; when they do not want the victims the way it pleases Me and in the way wanted by Me, they justly deserve to be struck severely. And do not think that I will do it on this very day, but let a little time pass, and then you will see and hear what My Justice has in store.”
So I spent the first day free, without struggling with my Jesus, because since He had assured me that He would not let me fall into sufferings, I no longer felt myself being incited, pushed to accept to submit myself to the pains that Jesus wanted to give me. But while the struggle had ceased, such a fear had still remained in me, that my beloved Jesus might surprise me all of a sudden. And in order to calm me, He told me: “Good daughter, do not fear, your Jesus told you this, and that’s enough. I am not a creature who can fail to keep My word; I am God, and when I speak I do not change. I told you that until they calm down and fix things, I will not let you fall[2], and so it shall be; and even if the world went upside down, because My Justice wants to punish creatures, I will not change My word. In fact, you must know that there is nothing that placates Justice more, and that reaches the point of changing the greatest chastisements into deeds of graces, than voluntary suffering; and it is not those who suffer out of necessity, because of illness or misfortune, that can be called true victims—the whole world is full of these sufferings—but those who, voluntarily, offer themselves to suffer what I want and in the way I want. These are the victims that resemble Me; My suffering was all voluntary, they could give Me not one pain, even the slightest, had I not wanted it so. This is why, when I had to make you fall into sufferings, I almost always asked you whether you voluntarily accepted—so as to have your voluntary suffering, not forced. A suffering that is forced or out of necessity is nothing great before God; what enamors, what enraptures, and what reaches the point of binding God Himself, is the voluntary suffering. If you knew how My Heart was wounded when you would put yourself in My hands like a little lamb, so that I might bind you and do to you whatever I wanted…. I deprived you of motion, I petrified you, I can say that I made you feel mortal pains; and you would let Me do it. And this was nothing; the strongest tie was that you could not go out of that state of pains in which your Sacrificer, Jesus, had put you, if My minister would not come to call you to obedience. This is what constituted you true victim; no sick person, not even the very prisoners, are denied motion and seeking help in extreme needs. Only for you had My Love prepared the greatest cross, because great things I wanted and want to make of you; the greater are My designs, the more singular the cross It forms; and I can say that there has never been in the world a cross similar to what, with so much love, your Jesus had prepared for you. Therefore, My sorrow is indescribable in seeing Myself opposed by creatures, as much authority as they might have, in the ways that I want to have with souls. They want to dictate to Me the laws, as if they knew more than I do. Therefore My sorrow is great, and My Justice wants to punish those who have been the cause of such a great sorrow for Me.”
Fiat!!!
[1] See Volume 28, February 8, 1931 on permissive vs. wanted Will of God.
[2] Read: “…fall into the state of suffering”.
