The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

April 10, 1900

The desire to see Jesus draws Him to the soul.

Blessed Jesus continues not to come.  Oh God, what an unspeakable pain His privation is!  I tried as much as I could to remain at peace and all abandoned in Him, but – no!… my poor heart could take no more.  I did as much as I could to calm it, saying:  ‘My heart, let us wait a little longer; who knows - He might come.  Let us use some stratagems to draw Him to come.’  So, turning to Him, I said:  “Lord, come, it is getting late and You have not come yet?  This morning I am trying to remain calm as much as I can; yet, You do not let Yourself be found?  Lord, I offer You the martyrdom of your privation as a proof of love, and as a gift to induce You to come.  It is true that I am not worthy, but it is not because I am worthy that I look for You; rather, I do it out of love, and because without You I feel life missing in me.’  And since He was not coming, I said to Him:  ‘Lord, either You come, or I will tire You with my speaking; and when You are tired… even then You are not going to come?’  But who can say all my nonsense?  I told Him so many things that I would be too long if I wanted to say everything.

After this, I just barely saw my sweet Jesus moving in my interior, as if He were waking up from a sleep.  Then He showed Himself more clearly, and transporting me outside of myself, He told me:  “Just as the bird flaps its wings when it must fly, so does the soul flap the wings of humility at the flights of her desires, and in that flapping she sends a magnet that attracts Me, in such a way that while she takes wing to come to Me, I take wing to go to her.”  Ah, Lord, it shows that I lack the magnet of humility!  If I could spread the magnet of humility everywhere on my path, I would not have to struggle so much in waiting and waiting for your coming!