The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

February 4, 1900

Discouragement.

As I was in a state full of discouragement, especially because of the privation of my highest Good, this morning, making Himself seen for just a little, He told me:  “Discouragement is an infectious humor, which infects the most beautiful flowers and the most pleasant fruits, and penetrates down to the bottom of the root, in such a way that, by invading the whole tree, that infectious humor renders it withered and squalid.  And if one does not remedy it by watering it with a contrary humor, since the bad humor has infiltrated deep into the root, it will make the root wither and the tree fall to the ground.  So it happens to the soul who becomes soaked with this infectious humor of discouragement.”

In spite of all this, I still felt discouraged, all huddled within myself, and I saw myself as so bad that I did not dare to fling myself toward my sweet Jesus.  My mind was occupied with the thought that it was useless for me to hope for His continuous visits as before, for His graces, for His charisms – everything was over for me.  And He, almost scolding me, added:  “What are you doing?  What are you doing?  Don’t you know that lack of confidence renders the soul moribund?  Thinking that she has to die, she no longer thinks of anything - neither of gaining anything, nor of making it circulate, nor of embellishing herself more, nor of remedying her sicknesses - she thinks of nothing else but that everything is over for her.” 

Ah, Lord, I imagine seeing this specter of the lack of confidence - squalid, emaciated, fearful and all trembling; and all of his mastery, with no other ingenuity but fear alone, leads souls to the tomb.  But what is more, this specter does not show himself as an enemy so that the soul may sneer at his fear, but he shows himself as a friend, and infiltrates so sweetly into the soul, that if the soul is not attentive, seeing him as a faithful friend who agonizes with her and even dies together with her, she will hardly be able to free herself from his artificious mastery.