The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

July 3, 1900

Chastisements with contagious and mortal diseases.

This morning, having received Communion, as soon as I saw my adorable Jesus I said to Him:  ‘My beloved Lord, how is it that You are sending so many chastisements?  Why this time do You not want to placate Yourself for any reason?  It seems that all means have failed – both praying, and saying:  “Lord, pour your bitternesses upon me”.  Ah, it has not been your usual way to act like this!”  While I was saying this, interrupting my speaking, blessed Jesus answered:  “Yet, my daughter, the chastisements I am sending are still nothing compared to those which have been prepared.  Therefore, do not want to afflict yourself with these, because they are not a matter of great affliction.”

As He was saying this, in front of me I saw many people affected by contagious diseases, who were dying; so, taken by horror, I said to Him:  ‘Ah! Lord, that’s all we need!  What are You doing? What are You doing?  If You want to do this, take me away from this earth, for my heart cannot bear the sight of scenes so gloomy.  Besides, who can endure continuing in this state in which You put me - that You do not come, or You come like a shadow; and not only this, but You leave me dazed, sleepy, not letting me understand anything any more.  Yet, You told me that You would leave me like this until You would somehow give vent to your fury; but now You want to add fury to fury, and it seems You will not be done for now.  Poor me! Poor me!  Who will give me the strength to remain in this state?  Who would be able to endure?’

While I poured out my affliction, compassionating me, Jesus said to me:  “My daughter, do not be concerned by your state of sleepiness.  This says that just as I am with people - as if I were sleeping, as if I did not hear them and look at them - in that same state have I placed you.  After all, if you mind it, I told you last time:  do you want Me to suspend your state of victim?”  And I:  ‘Lord, obedience does not want me to accept this suspension.’  And He:  “Well then, what do you want from Me?  Be quiet and obey!” 

Who can say how afflicted I remained?  Not only this, but it seems that my interior powers were left so asleep, that I live as if I were not living.  Ah, Lord, have pity on me! Do not leave me in abandonment in such a pitiful and sorrowful state!