The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

May 13, 1900

The weight of the privation of Jesus.

I continue in the same state, and maybe even worse, though I do as much as I can to remain peaceful, without getting disturbed, because so obedience wants.  But in spite of this I do not cease to feel the weight of the abandonment that presses upon me and reaches the point of crushing me.  Oh, God, what state is this?  Tell me at least:  where have I offended You?  What is the cause of it?  Ah, Lord, if You want to continue this way, I think I will not be able to endure any more!

Then, He made Himself seen for just a little, and placing a hand under my chin in the act of compassionating me, told me:  “Poor daughter, how you have reduced yourself!”  And sharing His pains with me, He disappeared like lightning, leaving me more afflicted than before, as if He had not come.  Or rather, I feel as if He had not come for a long time, and I feel such affliction, that though I live, my living is a continuous agonizing.  Ah, Lord, lend me help, and do not leave me in abandonment, though I deserve it.