The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

January 4, 1901

The unhappy state of a soul without God.

After going through most bitter days of privation and of disturbance, I felt a mystical hell within me. Without Jesus, all my passions came out to the light and, each one casting its own darkness, obscured me in such a way that I no longer knew where I was. How unhappy is the state of a soul without God! It is enough to say that, without God, the soul, while still living, feels hell within her. Such was my state; I felt my soul tortured by infernal pains. Who can say what I went through? So as not to make it too long, I move on.

Then, this morning, having received Communion, as I was at the summit of my affliction, I felt Our Lord move within me. In seeing His image, I wanted to look to see whether it was of wood or alive in flesh. I looked, and I saw it was the Crucified alive in flesh, who, looking at me, told me: "If my image within you were made of wood, the love would be only apparent, because only true and sincere love, united to mortification, makes Me be reborn alive, crucified in the heart of one who loves Me." On seeing the Lord, I would have wanted to withdraw from His presence, so cattiva [bad] did I see myself, but He continued, saying: "Where do you want to go? I am light, and wherever you go, my light invests you everywhere." At the presence of Jesus, at His light, at His voice, my passions disappeared – I myself don’t know where they went. I remained like a little girl, and I returned inside myself, completely changed. May everything be for the glory of God and for the good of my soul.