The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

March 10, 1902

The pain of love is more terrible than hell.

As I was in my usual state, I felt myself outside of myself, going in search of my adorable Jesus. But I could not find Him; I would repeat my searches, my crying, but it was all in vain. Not knowing what else to do, my poor heart agonized and absorbed a pain so sharp that I am unable to explain it. I can only say that I do not know how I was left alive. While I was in this painful situation, though always searching for Him, unable to abstain for one moment from making new searches, finally I found Him and said to Him: ‘How can You make Yourself so cruel with me, Lord? Look a little bit Yourself, whether these are pains which I can tolerate.’ And completely exhausted I abandoned myself into His arms. All compassion for me, and looking at me, Jesus told me: "My beloved daughter, you are right; calm yourself for I am with you and I will not leave you. Poor daughter, how you suffer. The pain of love is more terrible than hell. What is it that tyrannizes one the most – hell or an opposed love, a hated love? What can tyrannize a soul more than hell? A loved love. If you knew how much I suffer in seeing you tyrannized by this love because of Me… So as not to make Me suffer so much, you should be more calm when I deprive you of my presence. Imagine, yourself – if I suffer so much in seeing one suffer who does not love Me and offends Me, how much more do I suffer in seeing one who loves Me suffer?"

On hearing this, moved, I said: ‘Lord, tell me at least whether you want me to try to go out of this state without waiting for the confessor when You do not come.’ And He added: "No, I do not want you to go out of this state before the confessor comes. Leave every fear; I place Myself in your interior holding your hands in Mine, and at the contact of my hands you will know that I am with you." So, when the yearning for Him comes to me, I feel my hands being clasped by those of Jesus, and in feeling that divine contact I calm down, and I say: ‘It is true, He is with me.’ Other times, as the desire to see Him comes more strongly, I feel my hands being clasped more tightly by His, and He says to me: "Luisa, my daughter, I am here, I am here – do not look for Me elsewhere." And so it seems that I am more calm.