The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

March 18, 1902

Restlessness makes Jesus suffer.

This morning I felt restless because of the absence of my adorable Jesus; so, having received Communion, as soon as He came into my heart, I began to speak much nonsense: ‘My sweet Good, it is not for me to remain calm when You do not come. In seeing me calm, You take advantage and do not give a thought to coming; so, it is necessary to take some steps, otherwise one cannot not manage.’ On hearing me, He moved in my interior and made Himself seen in the act of smiling, for He heard my nonsense; and He told me: "You, then, want Me to suffer. In fact, knowing that if you are restless I suffer more, and not trying to be calm, is the same as wanting Me to suffer more." And I, insane as I was, said: ‘It is better that You suffer, because from your very suffering you can have more compassion for my suffering. Besides, the suffering that comes to You from sin – that one is ugly. It is enough that it’s not that one.’ And Jesus: "But if I come, you force Me not to chastise, when chastisements are so very necessary. In that case, then, you would have to conform to Me in wanting what I want." And I, remembering what I had seen in the past days, said: ‘What chastisements? Do You want to make people die? Let them die; they must come to You and to their fatherland anyway – as long as You save them. What I want is that You free them of contagious diseases.’ The Lord did not pay attention to me, and He disappeared. As He came back, He made Himself seen always with His back to the world, and as much as I tried, I could not manage to have Him look at it; and when I wanted to induce Him by force, He said: "Do not force Me, otherwise you force Me to deprive you of my presence." So I was left with a remorse, and I feel I have committed many defects.