The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

November 17, 1902

Impossibility of losing consciousness. It is a decree of the Will of God to use the work of the priest to make Luisa come round from her state of sufferings.

As the usual hour came for me to be surprised by my usual state, to my great bitterness – but such bitterness, that I had never experienced anything similar in my life – my mind was no longer able to lose consciousness. My life, my treasure, the One who formed all my delight, my all lovable Jesus, was not coming. I tried to recollect myself as much as I could, but I felt my mind so awake that I could neither lose consciousness nor sleep; so I would do nothing but break the brake to my tears. I did as much as I could to follow in my interior what I would do in the state of unconsciousness of my senses, and one by one I would recall His teachings, His words, and the way I was supposed to remain always united with Him. But these were all darts that wounded my heart bitterly, saying to me: "Ah, after you have seen Him every day for fifteen years, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes three or four times, sometimes once; sometimes He would speak to you, other times He would remain silent…. But, still, you would see Him. And now, you have lost Him? You don’t see Him any more? You no longer hear His sweet and gentle voice? Everything is over for you." And my poor heart would become so filled with bitternesses and sorrow, that I can say that my bread was sorrow and my drink the tears; and I was so filled with them that not a drop of water could enter into my throat. To this, another thorn added on. Often times I had said to my adorable Jesus: ‘How I fear about my state – that it is just me, that it is all my fantasy, that it is a pretense…’; and He would say to me: "Remove these fears, for you will see, then, that days will come in which, in spite of any effort and sacrifice you would make to lose consciousness, you will not be able to do it." But in spite of all this, I felt calmness in my interior, for at least I was obeying, though it cost me my life. So I thought that things would have to continue this way, convincing myself that since the Lord no longer wanted me in that state, He had used Monsignor to have him give me that obedience.

Then, after two days had passed, in the evening I was about to make my adoration to the crucifix, when a flash of light came before my mind. I felt my heart being opened, and a voice saying to me: "I will keep you suspended for a few days, and then I will make you fall again." And I: ‘Lord, will You not make me come round Yourself if You make me fall?’ And the voice: "No, it is a decree of my Will to use the work of the priest to make you come round from that state of sufferings, and if they want to know why, let them come to Me and ask Me. My Wisdom is incomprehensible, and has many unusual ways for the salvation of souls; but even though It is incomprehensible, if they want to find the reason, let them go deep, for they will find it - bright like sun. My Justice is like a cloud pregnant with hail, thunders and lightnings, and in you It found a dam so as not to unload Itself over the peoples. So, let them not want to advance the time of my wrath." And I: ‘Only for me was this chastisement reserved, with no hope to be freed of it. You have given so many graces to other souls; they have suffered greatly for love of You, yet they had no need of the work of a priest." And the voice continued: "You will be freed - not now, but when the slaughters begin in Italy." This was for me another reason for sorrows and most bitter tears; so much so, that my most lovable Jesus, having compassion for me, moved in my interior as though placing a veil before what He had told me, and without letting Himself be seen, He let me hear His voice saying to me: "My daughter, come to Me, do not want to afflict yourself. Let us move Justice away for a little while, and let us give room to Love, otherwise you succumb. Listen to Me – I have many things to teach you. Do you think I have finished speaking to you? No." And since I was crying and my eyes had become two rivers of tears, He added: "Do not cry, my beloved, but rather, give Me audience; this morning I want to hear Mass together with you, teaching you the way you must hear It." And so He kept speaking and I would follow Him; but since I could not see Him, my heart was split by the pain continuously. From time to time, to stop my crying He would call me repeatedly, now teaching me something about His Passion, explaining the meaning to me, now teaching me how to do what He did in His interior during the course of His Passion – which I refrain from writing for now, reserving this for another time, if God pleases. This is how I went on for two more days.