✞ The beginning of evil in man. Distance between the love of Jesus and the human love. In order to enter into Heaven, the soul must be completely transformed in Jesus.
It continues almost in the same way. This morning, on coming, He poured His bitternesses, and I was left in so much suffering that I began to pray the Lord to give me strength and to relieve me a little bit, for I could not endure. In the meantime, a light came into my mind that I was committing sin in doing this. Besides, what would blessed Jesus say? While on other occasions I prayed Him to pour, this time when He had poured without waiting to be asked, I was looking for relief. It seems to me I am becoming more cattiva [bad], and my badness reaches such a point that even before Him I do not abstain from committing defects and sins.
So, not knowing what to do in order to repair, I resolved in my interior that for this time, to make a greater sacrifice and give myself a penance so that my nature would not dare to ask for relief again, I should renounce the coming of Our Lord; and if He came I should tell Him: "Do not come, Love - have compassion for me, and [do not] relieve me.’ So I did, and I spent several hours in intense suffering and without Jesus. How bitter it was for me! But Jesus, having compassion for me, without my asking for Him, came, and immediately I said to Him: "Have patience, do not come, for I do not want relief.’ And He: "My daughter, I am content with your sacrifice, but you need a refreshment, otherwise you faint." And I: ‘No, Lord, I do not want relief.’ But drawing near my mouth, almost by force He poured a few drops of a sweet milk from His mouth, which mitigated my suffering. Who can say the confusion, the blushing I felt before Him! I expected a reproach, but Jesus showed Himself more affable, more sweet, as if He had not perceived my fault. On seeing this, I said: ‘My adorable Jesus, once You have poured [your bitternesses] into me and I suffer, don’t You have to spare the world - don’t You?’ And He: "My daughter, do you think I have poured everything into you? Besides, how could you face all the chastisement I will pour over the world? You yourself have seen that you could not endure the little I poured, and had I not come to help you, you would have ended. Now, what would happen if I poured everything into you? My dear, I gave you my word – I will content you in part."
After this, He transported me outside of myself, into the midst of the people, and I continued to see the so many evils, especially the plots of revolution against the Church and within society, to kill the Holy Father and priests. I felt my soul being tortured at the sight of these things, and I thought to myself: ‘If – may it never be – they came to carry out these machinations, what will happen? How many evils will come?’ All afflicted, I looked at Jesus, and He told me: "And what about that revolt that happened here – what do you say about it?" And I: ‘Which revolt? Nothing has happened in my town.’ And He: "Don’t you remember the revolt of Andria?"
"Well then, it seems nothing, but it is not so. That was the whole occasion and an incitement for other towns to revolt and shed blood, giving affront to sacred people and to my temples; and since everyone wants to show how much better he is in provoking evil, they will compete to see who can do more." And I: ‘Ah, Lord! Give peace to the Church and do not allow so many troubles!’ And as I wanted to say more, He disappeared from me, leaving me all afflicted and concerned.