The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

October 24, 1903

An image of the Church.

As I told the confessor about my concerns that my state may not be Will of God, and that, at least as a test, I wanted to try to make an effort to go out of it and see whether I could manage or not, without raising his usual difficulties, the confessor said: "All right, tomorrow you will try." So I was left as if I had been freed of an enormous weight. Now, after he celebrated Holy Mass and I received Communion, I saw my adorable Jesus in my interior for just a little, His gaze fixed on me, His hands joined, in the act of asking for pity and help. At that moment I found myself outside of myself, inside a room in which there was a lady, majestic and venerable, but gravely infirm. She was inside a bed with a headboard so high as to almost touch the vault, and I was forced to stay over this headboard, in the arms of a priest, in order to keep it still and to look at the poor ill one. While in this position, I saw a few religious surrounding and offering their cares to the patient, and saying among themselves with intense bitterness: "She is ill, she is ill - it would take nothing more than a little shake." And I was taking care of keeping the headboard of the bed still, for fear that, if the bed moved, she might die.

But seeing that things were dragging on, and almost getting annoyed by that idleness, I said to the one who was holding me: ‘For pity’s sake, let me get down; I am doing nothing good, nor am I helping anyone – why stay here, so useless? If I get down, at least I can serve her, help her.’ And he: "Did you not hear that even a little shake could make her get worse and cause most sad things to happen to her? If you get down, since there is no one to keep the bed still, she may even die." And I: ‘But how can it be possible that, by just doing this, this good can come to her? I don’t believe it - for pity’s sake, let me get down.’ So, after I repeated these words several times, he put me down on the floor, and by myself, with no one holding me, I drew near the ill one, and to my surprise and sorrow I saw that the bed was moving. At those movements, her face went blue, she trembled and emitted a death rattle. Those few religious were crying and saying: "There is no more time, she is in the extreme moments now." Then some enemies entered – soldiers and captains – to beat the ill one; but, dying as she was, that lady got up with intrepidness and majesty to be wounded and beaten. On seeing this, I trembled like a reed, and I said to myself: ‘I have been the cause of this, I myself have given the push for so much evil to happen.’ And I understood that that lady represented the Church, infirm in Her members, with many other meanings which it seems useless to me to explain, because they can be comprehended by reading what I have written.

Then I found myself inside myself, and Jesus told me in my interior: "If I suspend you forever, the enemies will begin to make my Church shed blood." And I: ‘Lord, it is not that I do not want to stay – Heavens forbid that I move away from your Will even for the blink of an eye; only, if You want me to, I will stay, if You don’t want me to, I will get out.’ And He: "My daughter, as soon as the confessor released you by telling you, ‘All right, tomorrow you will try’, the bond of victim was also released, because only the frieze of obedience is what constitutes the victim, and I would never accept her as such without this frieze, even at the cost of making a miracle of my omnipotence, if necessary, to give light to the one who directs you so that he would give this obedience. I suffered, and suffered voluntarily, but what constituted Me as victim was the obedience to my dear Father, who wanted to adorn all of my works, from the greatest to the littlest, with the honorary frieze of obedience." Then, finding myself inside myself, I felt a fear to try to go out; but then, I snapped out of it saying: ‘The one who gave me this obedience should have thought about this; and besides, if the Lord wants me, I am ready.’