The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

August 6, 1904

The privation is pain of fire that ignites, consumes, annihilates, and its purpose is to destroy the human life to constitute the divine.

This morning I went through a most bitter time because of the privation of my highest and only Good.  The sorrow of the privation was such that, as I found myself outside of myself, the pain of my soul was so great, that the pain itself administered such strength to it that it wanted to destroy whatever it found as hindrance to finding its All, God.  And not finding Him, it would shout, cry, run more than wind; it wanted to upset everything, to turn everything upside down in order to find the life it was lacking.  Oh, privation, how intense is your bitterness!  Your sorrow is always new, and because it is new, the soul feels the bitterness of the pain as ever new.  My soul feels as if one whole flesh would separate into many shreds, and all those shreds, with justice, ask for their life, and will find it only if they find God, who is more than their life.  But who can say the state I was in?  Meanwhile, Saints, Angels and purging souls rushed up to me, placing themselves in circle around me and preventing me from running, compassionating me and assisting me.  But everything was useless for me, because in them I could not find the One who alone could soothe my pain and restore my life; and so I shouted more, crying out:  ‘Tell me, where – where can I find Him?  If you want to have pity on me, do not delay showing Him to me, for I can take no more!’  Then, after this, He came out from within the depth of my soul, and it seemed that He pretended to be sleeping, without being concerned about the hardness of my poor state.  But even though He would not bother and was sleeping, at merely seeing Him I breathed my life as one breathes air, saying:  ‘Ah, He is here with me!’  However, I was not freed of the pain in seeing that He would not even pay attention to me.  Then, after much suffering, as if He had awakened, He told me:  “My daughter, all other tribulations can be penances, expiations, compensations, but only the privation is pain of fire that ignites, consumes, annihilates, and does not give up until it sees the human life destroyed.  But while it consumes, it vivifies and it constitutes Divine Life in it.”