The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

July 30, 1904

The detachment that priests must have.

This morning blessed Jesus was not coming, and I, finding myself outside of myself, went round and round in search of my highest and only Good; and not finding Him, my soul felt itself dying at each instant.  But what increased my torment was that while I felt I was dying, I would not die, for if I could die I would reach my intent, to be forever in the center - God.  Oh, separation, how bitter and painful you are!  There is no pain that can be compared to you.  Oh, divine privation, you consume, you pierce, you are a two-edged sword that cuts on one side, and burns on the other.  The pain you give is immense, as immense as is God.  Now, while wandering about, I found myself in Purgatory, and my sorrow and my crying seemed to increase the sorrow of those poor souls deprived of their life, God.  Among them there seemed to be quite a few priests, one of whom seemed to be suffering more than the others; and he said to me:  “My grave sufferings come from the fact that in life I was very attached to family interests, to earthly things, and I had a little attachment to some people.  This produces so much evil for the priest as to form an iron shell, covered with mud, that enwraps him like a garment, and only the fire of Purgatory and the fire of the privation of God - which is such that, compared to it, the first fire disappears - can destroy this shell.  Oh, how much I suffer!  My pains are unutterable.  Pray, pray for me.”  I felt even more tormented and I found myself inside myself. 

Later, I saw just the shadow of blessed Jesus, and He told me:  “My daughter, what were you searching for?  For you there are no other reliefs and helps but Me alone.”  He disappeared like a flash, and I was left saying:  ‘Ah, He Himself tells me this – that He alone is everything for me?  And yet, He has the courage to leave me without - deprived of Him.’