✞ One begins to really live, when he begins to be a victim.
I am going through most bitter days because of the almost continuous privations of blessed Jesus. At the most, He makes Himself seen in passing and like a flash, and immediately He hides so very deep within my interior that I cannot even catch sight of Him; and always in silence. So, when I saw Him after much struggling, and He was all embittered and oppressed, I said to Him: ‘But, tell me at least – what is it that makes You suffer so much?’ And He, unwilling, only to content me, told me: "Ah, my daughter, you do not know what must happen; if I told you, you would break my indignation, and I would not do what I have to do. This is why I keep silent. So, calm yourself about the way I act with you in this period of time. But, courage, it will be so very bitter for you, but do it as an athlete, as a generous one, always living, but as though dead, in my Will, without even crying." Having said this, He hid deeper within my interior, leaving me as though petrified, without even being able to cry for His privation.
Now, to obey, I write that even before the month of January, until now, I do nothing but find myself outside of myself; it may also be a dream, but I seem to see places in desolation, cities deserted, entire streets with the houses closed, with no one walking along them; and dead people. My fright at seeing these things is such as to render me as though dazed, and I would like to imitate my good Jesus by remaining, I too, taciturn and silent. Why this, I am unable to say, because my light Jesus does not tell me anything. I wrote this only to obey. Deo Gratias.