The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

June 13, 1906

The soul would even do excesses to obtain the intent of being loved more by her highest and only Good.

I go on amid continuous privations. At the most, He makes Himself seen in passing, or resting and sleeping in my interior, without saying a word to me; and if I go about lamenting, He either comes up saying to me: "You are wrong to lament – is it Me that you want? Well then, you have Me in the depth of your interior – what more do you want?"; or: "If you have Me completely within you, why do you afflict yourself? Is it because I do not speak to you? By just seeing Me, we understand each other"; or He comes up with a kiss, with a hug, with a caress, and if He sees that I do not calm down, He reproaches me severely, saying: "I am only displeased with your displeasure, and if you do not calm yourself, I will really give you displeasure by hiding completely."

Who can say the bitterness of my soul? I feel dazed, and I am unable to manifest what I feel. Besides, in certain interior states it is better to keep silent and move on.

Then, this morning, as I saw Him, I felt myself being carried outside of myself - I cannot tell well whether it was paradise. There were many Saints, all ignited with love, and the wonder was that all loved, but the love of one was distinct from the love of the other. However, finding myself with them, I tried to distinguish myself and to surpass them all in love, wanting to be the first among all in loving Him, since my heart, too proud, could not bear that others would equal me, because I seemed to see that one who loves more is closer to Jesus, and is loved more by Him. Oh, the soul would give in all excesses, she would not care about either life or death, nor would she think of whether it is convenient for her or not. In sum, she would even do excesses to obtain this intent – to be closer to Him, and to be loved a little bit more by her highest and only Good. But to my greatest sorrow, after a short time, an irresistible force drove me back into myself.