The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

December 16, 1908

The privation of Jesus is the greatest of all pains.

Going through most bitter days, I was lamenting to Our Lord, saying: ‘How cruelly You have left me! You told me that You had chosen me as your little daughter, that You would keep me always in your arms – and now? You have thrown me to the ground, and instead of a little daughter, I see that You have changed me into a little martyr; but even though little, my martyrdom is just as cruel and harsh, bitter and intense.’ While I was saying this, He moved in my interior and told me: "My daughter, you are mistaken - my Will is not to make you a little martyr, but a great martyr. If I give you the strength to bear my privation with patience and resignation – which is the most painful and most bitter thing that can be found, and there is no other pain that equals it or resembles it either in Heaven or on earth – is this not heroism of patience and the ultimate degree of love, compared to which, all other loves remain behind, are almost nullified, and there is nothing that can compare to it or stand before it? Is this not, then, great martyrdom? You say that you are a little martyr because you feel you do not suffer so much. It is not that you do not suffer, but it is the martyrdom of my privation that absorbs your other pains, making them even disappear. In fact, in thinking that you are without Me, you neither bother about nor pay attention to your other sufferings; and by not paying attention to them, you reach the point of not feeling their weight, therefore you say you do not suffer.

And then, I have not thrown you to the ground; rather, I keep you more than ever clasped in my arms. Even more, I tell you that if to Paul I gave my efficacious grace at the beginning of his conversion, to you I give it almost continually – and this is the sign of it: that you continue in your interior everything that you used to do when I was with you almost continually - doing what now you seem to do by yourself. Your feeling all immersed in Me and bound to Me, always thinking of Me even though you do not see Me – this is not your own thing, nor an ordinary grace, but special and efficacious grace. And if I give you much, it is a sign that I love you much, and I want to be loved much by you."