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This morning, as I received Communion, blessed Jesus did not come; and after waiting for a long time between vigil and sleep, in seeing that time was passing and Jesus was not coming, I wanted to go out of my sleep, but at the same time I wanted to stay, because of the torment I felt in my heart at not having seen Him. I felt like a baby who, wanting to sleep and being awakened by force, starts making fusses and cries; however, in my fussing, while striving to wake up I said within my interior: ‘What bitter separation! I feel lifeless, yet I live – but life is harder than death. However, may your privation be for love of You; for love of You the bitterness I feel; for love of You my tormented heart; for love of You the life I don’t feel, though I live. But so that it may be more acceptable to You, I unite this suffering of mine to the intensity of your Love, and with mine, I offer You your own Love.’
But as I was saying this, He moved in my interior and told me: "How sweet and delightful to my hearing is the note of Love. Say it, say it once more – repeat it again; cheer my hearing with these notes of Love, so harmonious, which descend deep into my Heart and sweeten all of Me."
Yet, who would believe it? I am ashamed to say it… In my huffiness, I answered: ‘I don’t want to say it – You get sweetened, while I get more embittered.’ My sweet Jesus kept silent, as though being displeased with my answer; and as soon as I woke up, I repeated my notes of Love many times. However, He did not let Himself be heard or seen for the whole day.
