The Book of Heaven
—Unofficial Version—

October 24, 1910

Disturbance and its effects. Everything comes from the fingers of God.

I was highly afflicted because of the privation of my lovable Jesus, and having received Communion, I was lamenting because of His absence; and Jesus told me in my interior: "My daughter, sad things - very sad things are happening and will happen." I was frightened. So, various days went by without Jesus; I just heard Him repeat often: "My good daughter, patience with my not coming – later I will tell you why."

So, I went on embittered, yes, but peaceful, when all of a sudden, I had a dream that saddened me very much and also disturbed me; more so, since not seeing Jesus, I had no one to whom to turn in order to be surrounded by that aura of peace that only Jesus possesses. Oh, how a disturbed soul is to be pitied! Disturbance is an infernal air that one breathes, and this air of hell casts out the celestial air of peace, and takes the place of God in the soul. Fuming with this infernal air in the soul, disturbance masters her so much that, with its infernal blow, it makes even the holiest, the purest things appear as the ugliest and most dangerous. It puts everything in disorder, and the soul, tired of this disorder, is soaked with the stink of this air of hell, she is annoyed by everything, and feels boredom for God Himself.

I did feel this air of hell, not inside of me, but around me; yet, it did so much harm to me that I no longer cared that Jesus was not coming – even more, it seemed to me that I didn’t even want Him. It is true that the thing was very serious, not a bagatelle: it was that I had been assured that I was not in a good state, therefore the sufferings, the visits of Jesus, were not Will of God, and I was supposed to stop it once and for all. I am not saying everything about it, because I don’t think it is necessary; I wrote this only to obey.

Then, the following night I saw water pouring down from heaven like a deluge, such as to cause great damage and bury entire towns; and the impression from that dream was such, that I didn’t want to see anything. In the meantime, a dove, hovering around me, told me: "The moving of the leaves, of the plants, the murmuring of the waters, the light that invades the earth, the motion of all nature, everything – everything comes from the fingers of God. Imagine if your state alone should not come from the fingers of God." So, when the confessor came, I told him everything about my state, and he told me that it had been the devil in order to disturb me. I remained a little bit more peaceful, but like someone who has suffered a grave illness.