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This morning, I was in such a state of annihilation of myself, to the point of feeling obnoxious and annoyed. It seemed to me I was the most abominable being that could be found. I saw myself like a little worm that tossed and turned, but remained always there – in the mud, unable to take one step. Oh, God, what human misery! Yet, after I have been given so many graces, I am still so bad!
My good Jesus, always benign with this miserable sinner, came and told me: "Contempt of yourself is praiseworthy when it is well invested with the spirit of Faith; but when it is not invested with the spirit of Faith, instead of doing you good, it can harm you. In fact, in seeing yourself as you are, unable to do anything good, you will be discouraged, disheartened, without daring to take one step on the path of good. But by leaning on Me – that is, by investing yourself with the spirit of Faith – you will come to know and despise yourself, and at the same time, to know Me, confident of being able to do anything with my help. And here is how, by acting in this way, you will walk according to the truth."
How much good these words of Jesus have done to my soul! I understood that I must enter into my nothingness and know who I am, but I must not stop there. Rather, immediately after I have known myself, I must fly into the immense sea of God, and stop there, to draw all the graces that my soul needs; otherwise, nature becomes weary and the devil will look for means in order to cast it into discouragement. May the Lord be always blessed, and may everything be for His glory.
