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This morning I was in a sea of affliction because of the loss of Jesus. After much hardship, Jesus came and drew so close to me, that I could not even see Him; He reached the point of placing His forehead upon mine, of leaning His face on mine, and so with all the other members.
Now, while Jesus was in this position, I said to Him: ‘My adorable Jesus, You don’t love me any more.’ And He: "If I did not love you, I would not be so close to you.’ And I added: ‘How can You say that You love me if You no longer let me suffer as before? I am afraid You don’t want me to be in this state any more – at least, free me also from the bother of the confessor.’
While I was saying this, it seemed that Jesus would not pay attention to my words, but rather, He made me see a multitude of people, who were committing every kind of evil. Indignant with them, Jesus would make different kinds of contagious diseases swoop down into their midst, and many would die black as charcoal. It seemed that Jesus would exterminate that multitude of people from the face of the earth. While seeing this, I prayed Jesus to pour His bitternesses into me, so as to spare the people, but He would not pay attention to me in this either; and replying to the words I had said before, He added: "The greatest chastisement I can give you, the priest, and the people, is to free you from this state of suffering. My Justice would pour out in all of Its fury, because It would find no opposition. This is so true, that the worse evil for someone is to be given an office and then to be removed from it. It would be better for him had he not been admitted to that office, since, by abusing it and not profiting from it, he has rendered himself unworthy of it."
Then, Jesus continued to come quite a few times today, but so afflicted as to move one to pity and to tears - maybe even the stones. I tried to console Him as much as I could; now I would embrace Him, now I would sustain His head which was in great pain; now I would say to Him: ‘Heart of my heart, Jesus, it has never been your usual way to appear so afflicted to me. If other times You made Yourself seen afflicted, by pouring it into Me, You would immediately change appearance; but now I am being denied the opportunity to give You this relief. Who would have thought, after You have consented to pour and to share your sufferings with me for so long, and You Yourself did so much to dispose me, that now I would have to be deprived of it? Suffering for love of You was my only relief; it was suffering that made me bear my exile from Heaven. But now, being deprived of it, I feel I have no place on which to lean any more, and life becomes tedious to me. O please! O Holy Spouse, beloved Good, my dear Life, O please! - let the pains come back to me, give me suffering. Do not look at my unworthiness and at my grave sins, but at your mercy, which has not exhausted itself.’
While I was pouring myself out with Jesus, He drew closer to me and told me: "My daughter, it is my Justice that wants to pour Itself out over the creatures. The number of sins in men is almost complete, and Justice wants to come out, to make pomp of Its fury, and to find reparation for the injustices of men. Look - to show you how embittered I am and to content you a little bit, I want to pour only my breath into you." And so, drawing His lips near mine, He sent me His breath, which was so bitter that I felt my mouth, my heart and my whole person being intoxicated. If His mere breath was so bitter, what must be the rest of Jesus? He left me with such pain, that I felt my heart pierced through.
