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Yet, who would have said it? In spite of the fact that the wrong is hers, and that she does not give me the capacity to manifest it, Miss obedience took offense and began to act like a cruel tyrant – and she reached such cruelty as to take the sight of my loving Good away from me, my sole and only comfort. It really shows that sometimes she also behaves like a little girl: when she has a whim for something, if she does not get it with good manners, she deafens the house with screams and with crying, to the point that one is forced to content her. There are no reasons, there is no way in the middle to persuade her. So lady obedience does. Brava! - I would not have thought you were like this. Since she wants to get her own way, she wants me, even stammering, to write about Charity. Oh, holy God! You Yourself, make her a little bit more reasonable, because it really shows that one cannot go on in this way. And you, O obedience, give me back my sweet Jesus - don’t cut me to the quick any more. I pray you not to take the sight of my highest Good away from me any more, and I promise you that, even stammering, I will write as you want. I only ask of you the good grace to let me recover for a few days, because my mind, too little, can no longer take being immersed in that vast ocean of divine Charity, especially because in it I can see my miseries and my ugliness more, and in seeing the love that God has for me, I feel I am almost going mad; and so my weak nature feels faint and can take no more. But in the meantime I will occupy myself with writing about other things, to then continue with Charity.
I resume my poor speaking. While my mind was occupied with the things already said, I was thinking to myself: ‘What would be the purpose of writing this, if I myself did not practice what I write? This writing would certainly be my condemnation.’ While I was thinking of this, blessed Jesus came and told me: "This writing will serve to make known who the One is that speaks to you and occupies your person. And then, if it does not serve you, my light will serve others, who will read what I make you write."
Who can say how mortified I was left in thinking that others will take advantage of the graces He gives me, if they read these writings, and I who receive them, do not? Will they not condemn me? And then, at the mere thought that they may end up in the hands of others, my heart aches with pain and with blushing for myself. Now, remaining in greatest affliction, I kept saying: ‘What is the purpose of my state, if it will serve as condemnation?’ And my most loving Jesus, coming back, told me: "My life was necessary for the salvation of the peoples; and since I could not continue it on earth, I choose whom I please in order to continue it within them, so as to continue the salvation of the peoples. This is the purpose of your state."
