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I am, again, in the nightmare of my usual sufferings. After a month of hiatus, I am back at the beginning. I felt as though emptied of all pains; my sweet Jesus no longer made me become stiffened, nor did He render me immobile and without motion. I felt as if my life was ending in remaining without motion and stiffened; yet I lived, but from a life that was choked, without the slightest control over myself, waiting with a patience that only Jesus could give me for he who was to call me to obedience, to give me motion and let me come out of the abyss in which I was. So, seeing myself free, as much as I loved to share the pains together with Jesus, yet I felt my nature triumphant; more so, since I no longer had need of anyone. So, in finding myself bound again, hampered inside the previous abyss, my poor nature feels such reluctance, that if my beloved Jesus does not help me, does not fortify me, does not attract me with special graces, I don’t know what I would do so as not to fall into that state of sufferings. Ah! my Jesus, help me; You who have sustained me for so many years in a state so painful. O please! if You want me to continue, continue to sustain me Yourself, and use Your mercy toward this poor sinner, that I may not oppose Your Most Holy Will.
Then, while I was amid reluctances and fear of being surprised by my usual sufferings, my adorable Jesus, making Himself seen in great suffering, told me: “My daughter, what is the matter? You no longer want to suffer together with Me? How can this be? You want to leave Me alone? You want to take away from Me the rights that you have given Me many times—that I might do with you whatever I want? Good daughter, do not give Me this sorrow; abandon yourself in My arms and let Me do what I want.”
And I: “My Love, forgive me, You know the struggles I find myself in, and what profound humiliations I have been cast into. If things were as before—when did I ever refuse You anything? Therefore, mind and think, oh Jesus, of what You are doing to me, and into what a maze You cast me, if You let me fall into my usual sufferings. And if I say to You ‘Fiat,’ the effort I make is so great, that I feel myself dying. Jesus! Jesus! help me.’
And Jesus: “My good daughter, do not fear, humiliation is bearer of glory; over the contempt of creatures arises the Divine Appreciation, and their abandonment is the call of the faithful company of your Jesus; therefore, let Me do. If you knew how Divine Justice is armed, you would not be opposed; on the contrary, you would pray Me to make you suffer so as to spare, in part, your brothers. More regions will be devastated, and misery is at the doors of cities and of nations. My Heart feels such tenderness in seeing to what a state of desolation and of confusion the earth will be reduced; and this tenderness of Mine, so sensitive toward creatures, is offended by the hardness of the human heart. Oh! how intolerable to Me is the hardness of the human heart; much more so before Mine, which is all loving tenderness and goodness toward them. A hard heart is capable of all evils and reaches such extent as to make a mockery of the pains of others, and it changes the tendernesses of My Heart toward it into sorrows and deep wounds. The most beautiful prerogative of My Heart is tenderness; all the fibers, the affections, the desires, the love, the heartbeats of My Heart have tenderness as their origin. So, My fibers are tender, My affections and desires are most tender, My Love and heartbeats are so tender as to reach the point of melting My Heart out of tenderness; and this tender love makes Me arrive at loving the creatures so much, that I am content with suffering Myself rather than seeing them suffer. A love, when it is not tender, is like a food without condiment, like a beauty that is aged, incapable of attracting anyone to make itself loved; it is like a flower without fragrance, like a dry fruit without humor and sweetness. A love that is hard, without tenderness, is unacceptable and would have no virtue of making itself loved by anyone. Therefore, My Heart suffers so much in seeing the hardness of creatures, that they reach the point of changing My graces into scourges.”
After this, I found myself prey to a supreme force, that it was not given to me to be able to resist, in my painful state; and even though I felt great reluctance, I tried to abandon myself in the Divine Will, my only refuge. And Jesus, to give me strength, made Himself seen for a little while and told me: “My daughter, in creating man, Our Divinity issued from Ourselves Sanctity, Love, Goodness, Beauty, and so forth, that were to serve man to make himself holy, good, beautiful, and to give Us love for Love. Now, Our goods have not been taken completely by him, and so they are waiting for one who would take them. Therefore, come into Our Goods, come to take the crumbs of Sanctity, of Love, of Goodness, the crumbs of Beauty, of Strength. I say crumbs in comparison with those that you will leave out, because Our Goods are immense and what the creature can take can be called crumbs compared to what she leaves out; but, for her, they fill her so much as to overflow outside. Only when Our Love sees the creature loved in Our Goods, filled to the brim—then is It content. Now, these crumbs form many different foods, one more beautiful than the other, that she takes from Our Celestial Table, and she nourishes herself abundantly from these Divine Foods; and since one gives of that food that one takes, so, in giving Us her acts, of one who has nourished herself of these Divine crumbs that give of Sanctity, of Beauty, of Strength, of Love, and has filled herself with such beauty, We immediately recognize that it is food of Our crumbs that she gives Us in her acts, and—oh! how content We remain, that the creature gives Us her acts that give of Divine; We feel Our fragrances, We touch Our Sanctity and Goodness, and feel requited for the crumbs We gave to her.”
Fiat!!!
